mission of life..

2 days ago, a friend of my just pass away, just cant accept the news when chen wei call me on the afternoon.. although i know he had been suffer for cancer for quite some time, but still cant accept he leave us so sudden..

i know him on 2006 year end, in a acad v meeting, i remember that time i ask him to join gymnastic in our SGM, because he also join before at kedah. then we have a great chance to work together when there is a merdeka performance on 2007, he does help me a lot on that time, although he is honbu 1 member, but always help me to fetch my honbu 2 members, he always that nice n smile like a sunny guy. we were having a fun time on that performance~

we din meet up after he move back to kedah.. one day in end of 2008, i receive a call from chen wei that he in hospital penang because of cancer, i got no idea what is going on.. so directly go visit him in hospital, he got an tumor on his neck n condition become worst so need to stay in hospital, but he told me he had recover from a cancer before, so ask us don need to worry. i go to hospital accompany him few days, although i know he feel really pain some time, but he always relief me by telling me he is alright. he is a tough guy, i feel so sad when i cant do any thing else to help him. he have once tell me he wan to give up already, because there is too suffer, not only for himself and also people around him,i donno what to tell him beside encourage him to chant..

since then, we only met once on hai long wedding dinner on last year end, he seem alright and i tell him i will go find him when i pay a visit to kedah, but this become the last word i talk to him. now every thing only become memory..

we die because of mission of our life is accomplish? may be.. but i believe sao gang still have a lot of dreams haven accomplish in his life, but his does influence a lot of people to become toughen..

miss u always, sao gang! our buddha..

future

i don know since when i start to think of my future.. i have think, worried, predicted, plan on future, but if future is unpredictable, then why am i doing all of these? is it i think too much? worried too much?

some time its really confusing, and most of the time, i feel upset of staying in a position between future n past.. gosh.. i want to know my future no so damn much, because my past keep telling me i am a loser, i always messed thing up. but i really try hard to change, to improve~ why cant i own a better future, right? feel so lost, i thought i know where n what i should do n achieve, but its really feel uncomfortable when i am going to make those moves.. first step is hard, i really hope the others can be easier.

when i getting older, i start to worry more before making any decision, not really scared of failure, but i really do afraid that i don hv much time to turn back after made wrong decision, may be i can give it a try, but i know i don have much bullets left for try shot, if i miss those, i might not have chance to go for my dream any more. its horrible when think of failure..

any way, life march on, i have no idea what will going to be in future, i only can do now is do the best i can, strive with no regret! gosh~ failure! fuck off! nothing stop me to achieve what i want!

men's rhythmic gymnastic

after practicing gymnastic for some time, start to love this sport. from the beginning i am just learn it because i like sport, for performance and i wish i can teach my members in my society. after quite some time i into this field, i start to feel glad that i have chance to train this sport~

gymnastic is not that similar to other sport, its require a lot of balancing and control of our body. using whole body muscle and flexibility to do some stunt.. and its really need a lot of strength doing those move~

men's rhythmic gymnastic is a new group competition for men's gymnast~ its require all skill in gymnastic, some dance move and whole routine is following music~ its fun and will be a great performance after we mastered it, n which i feel suit us for future development. we have been through a few training after the we asking our gymnastic coach train us for tat, its new n tough, using few different part of muscle which we not used it often in daily life, so its kindna tough when beginning, the muscle-ache after training will remain few days. besides, doing skill and move with music rhythm is hard n tiring..

although it is so tough, but i know all these will worthwhile when we realize our improvement in future~ we even got chance to go japan for competition if we are good enough, and we can be the first batch who bring up this sport in Malaysia ~ its fun when we have a lot of unknown challenges waiting us in future~ mystery make life unpredictable and fun~ ^^

girl

there is so much fun when looking at a pretty girl for a guy~

jz met a girl which i met few years ago in a gathering, phew~ she change a lot, not really the exterior i mean, its the feeling when i saw her. can say that now she know how to take care of her appearance n become more femininity.. cool~ this is y people always say:" girl will change after grow up~"

i think this is so true~ but really feel happy that many girls nowadays know how to make themselves become more charm, do u know how joyful we are when guy have chances to look at pretty girl?

i am not saying guy only like pretty girl.. i mean some how we are created to use our eye more than our brain~~ sorry for girls, we used to judge girl by their appearance at first. ^^

but i really agree with a quote: there is no ugly women in this world, only have lazy women. :)

don become a robot!!!

last night having a gathering with a bunch of high school students, from the meet, i found out that most of the students nowadays afraid of speaking and share their ideas in public..

we as organizer, we which to organize a meeting which is joyful, relax, having two way conversation and knowledge sharing in between us (old generation) n those high school students (new generation), but out of my expectation, most of them are really shy to talk.. of cause i know its hard to bring out the courage to share our thought in public, but i really hope to train up a bunch of youth which really can make it, having self determination n develop thought or thinking which belong to their own. not some robot which create by our lousy education system..

most of thoughts n behavior we hv today too reliable n influence by our culture, education n experience in the past. this affect the teenager now dont even know wat they want in their life, we live a life not we wanted, is a life wat the society n others want us to live, dont u feel this is pity? dont u ever think about it? why? why we cant have our own lovely life we want? why we need to concern so much of others sight of view?

back to the topic, so why public sharing so horrible?

we ourselves is the one who make sharing in public so horrible. we have no confident on our thoughts, we always judge before we tell others our idea, we scare people will criticize us, people dislike or disagree our thought. hey! u will never know unless u speak it out~!!! so why haven fight for it, already made a prediction on the result?

doesnt matter who is around u, they are elder or professional, is not important, sharing is to tell others your thoughts, there is no another 'you' in this world with same face n thinking, u might have some knowledge others dont know, or u have ur own sight of view which is particularly own by u~

so don be a robot~ u must think wat u want, wat u need, wat u gonna do.. not other ask u to talk this u talk this, others tell u to think like this, u just follow.. ends up, u become another him or her.
copy n paste learning wont create a human mind, only program u become a robot! remember, live ur own life!!!

mankind

this post not represent all man in this world, i only express my feeling toward myself.. ^^

when i saw a pretty girl, i hope i can be her boy friend(almost every time~ ) if i didn't take any action to further our relationship, we (almost every time) become friends... then i will meet another pretty one which i can forget about the past n try to be 'friend' with her again~ this cycle never end..

i know courage always play a big role here.. but i tends to forget it when face to face meeting with girls.. love is blind, so i become blind when i feel i am falling in love with some one, but who will going to love a guy with closing eye.. gosh~

conclusion, i fail because i meet, then i think n think n think n think n no action.. so i try to meet another one, then i think again, think again n donno how to take action...
so to avoid this bad cycle continue, i should meet, then don think, just action, action n action~ haha~ then i think love not only make people blind n also making a lot of fool like me~ ^^ haha~

gamble

CNY.. always is the best time to meet up with all frenz n gambling, after few days for keep on gamble, i totally feel sick about it.. i hate gambling with friends~!!!

gamble is a game which dig out our greedy desire, all people become selfish n greedy, gambling with friends is even worst.. because wining friends money make us feel bad, losing to them make us feel worst.. so there is still no win win situation..

for me, gambling always is fun where in the progress, when heart beats increase, when all people start involve in, when there is no way we got to know is it we can win next round, the curiosity toward the unknown result~ there is always so fun when we doesn't know what will happen next~

at last, hate gambling with friends + gambling amount is too small~!!! there is no way i going to gambling with only RM0.10 bet on the table!!! this is wasting my time~ actually i just experience it, and this cost me 3 hours to lose around a ringgit.. its not only waste my time, my energy, my concentration, and this no point at all~